U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize