I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
