When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
