I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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