Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
