There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
