omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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