Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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