Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
