Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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