I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
