i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Randomize