I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize