i just google imaged poop.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize