Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
