Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
