Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
