My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
