The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
