At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I still have a little drunk in my system
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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