Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
