tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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