Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
