I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
