I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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