The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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