New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
