About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize