Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
