we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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