she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
