i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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