just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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