i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
