so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
