i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
