remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
