I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i think i just lost a toe
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