Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
