So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize