my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize