why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
