my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
