You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
