I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
