We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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