I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
