Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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