he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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