He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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