I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
