i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
