she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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