youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
