Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
