Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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