9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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