No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
