Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
