Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
