3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
