the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
