I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize