I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
