I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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